The First Letter...

I heard the other day that Herbert the Austrian racing snail is due to arrive in this country soon. Herbert is 234 years old and the fastest of all racing snails - however, he is also the largest and must travel under the cover of darkness. The Royal Protection Team will be travelling by his side as he makes his way through the most dangerous part of mainland Europe: France. As you know the French enjoy nothing more than a 200-year-old snail with a hint of garlic. Herbert is far too smart to be caught- I will keep you informed of his progress.